can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
