Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
People in love make me want to vomit
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dignity is for republicans.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
