Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
