I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
