Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
