if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
