i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
