I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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