I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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