i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
