I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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