Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
