Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
But theres a keg here and me gusta
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
