My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
