I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
