Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
