I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
