i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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