i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
