I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think people are normalizing furries
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
