I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
