Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic