Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
