Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize