Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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