i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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