So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
