He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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