There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
