I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
