note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
