Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
