"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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