I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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