his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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