if i can run in heels then i can drive
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
