we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
