I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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