well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
