Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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