Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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