I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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