what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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