I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
worst night to have a conscience
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
