I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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