It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
