Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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