So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
