I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
