Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
did i just pee glitter
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
