Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
