i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
