I got chris browned last night
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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