No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I had to cum in my sink.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
