Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize