Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
