so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
