I CAN MOONWALK!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
