i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
