after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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